Affect Me
by AuroraRuby
Summary: Sam contemplates how being with Ruby is affecting him. Set after season 3, while Dean is in hell.


**Author's Note:** Just a little story about Sam and Ruby. From Sam's point of view. Sorry but I am not good at sex scenes, so I skipped over that bit.. Thanksyou to my beta and muse for making me continue this and ultimately finish it. Love you both for it :D 3.. I, of course, do not own Supernatural or the characters mentioned in this story. As much as I may like to, I also have no connection with the show, it's creators, writers, or actors. I am just a fan. Anyway, on with story. I hope you enjoy, and if you do, comments are always nice ;)!

* * *

Have I ever considered how irresponsible this all was? How it would affect those who cared for me? Just because I had lost my brother, did not mean that there were not still people out there who cared.

I did not know what to do as my phone rang yet again. If I answered, what would I say? How would I explain what I was doing or who I was with? Everything had happened so fast, that even I had no idea how it had happened. I do not think she did either. Stealing a glance in her direction, she appeared to be studying the laptop screen, which is why her words made me jump. "Just answer it Sam. It won't hurt you to talk to someone. Might help us with tracking Lilith anyway.." I do not know why I listened to her. She was a demon, yet somehow I always forgot that. First she was my friend, second my teacher, third my companion, then finally a demon. The first three were all I thought about though, mainly the first two. I knew she was right, as she always had been in the past. She had my complete trust, both outcasts in our worlds and species. Understanding is all we ever asked of each other really. It just had became so much more..

"Hey Bobby" My voice was shaky as I finally answered.

"Sam I am glad you decided to answer. It has been a while. Great to hear your voice. Where are you? It would be great if you could come by here as I have a few things I would like you to look over."

"I'm not sure. Can't we just go over it over the phone?"

"What's wrong Sam?"

"Nothing. Look I will see you soon." Sam hanged up without waiting for a response.

"An attitude like that won't get you far. Come on Sammy." Ruby was suddenly standing in front of me. Meeting her eyes I could not help but smile. Even when she was annoyed at me, she still looked beautiful. Well at least the coma girl she was riding did.

** **

It was not a long drive to reach Bobby's, taking only a few hours. Ruby was silent for most of the trip, only commenting on random things along the way. As I pulled to a stop, where Bobby would not be able to see into the car, I turned to face her. "Ruby it's probably best you wait here. I don't think I can explain why I am working with you to Bobby. He would see you just as a demon, not as.. well a person I guess."

Ruby smiled without looking at me. Her eyes focussed on Bobby's house. "I'm not stupid Sam. I had no plans on going anywhere near that hunter. Just try not to be too long." Moving a stray piece of hair behind her ear, I leaned over, and as a parting gift, I kissed her softly on the cheek. She still refused to look at me as I got out, yet I could feel her eyes burning into me as I walked toward the house.

Bobby had the door open even before I reached it, coming out to hug me. I knew Ruby could see me, and could just picture the slight shudder which would have passed over her. No matter what she had said before about Bobby having information that could come of use later, there was no way she would have any trust for him. Though of course, if asked, she would deny it all, stating something about having no opinion of him at all.

Bobby had a case he thought would be good for me to work on. He thought it would be good for me to keep my mind off losing Dean, and getting revenge on Lilith. Not that he would admit the later though. I could not let it all rest though either. My brother had sold his soul to bring me back to life. Now he was stuck down in hell, while I was stuck up here feeling like hell. If it was not for Ruby, I probably would look like it to. I was not meant to be here, but for some reason here I still was. I would not rest until I killed Lilith like she killed Dean. Just the thought of Dean made me want to curl back up with a few bottles of beer and cry for a week. I may have cut back on the drinking, but I still feel empty inside, like a piece of me has been ripped out and I cannot find anything to replace it with. The alcohol helped a little, as does the sex. But neither is a permanent relief from the pain. Fighting back the tears and pain I did not want Bobby to know I had inside me, I said good bye to my old friend. Who knew when, or if, I would see him again, it really was not safe. The amount of demons out for Ruby, out for me.. I could not bear to see Bobby go down too. Something like that would devastate me, most likely beyond Ruby's repair. Not that she really had repaired me now. More like she has just patched me up on the outside, while my inside still bleeds.

Leaving the house, Bobby was still talking. Telling me about how he wishes he could help me out and that I would tell him how I am feeling. Just to stay in contact and not be a stranger. How could I do that though? I would not put him in danger; it was bad enough I put Ruby in danger. Not that she could not protect herself, not saying Bobby could not, Ruby was just a little harder to kill. She would also be hard to explain. "Bobby thanks for this case. It was what I needed, I think. I will talk to you soon." With another hug good bye, I left Bobby standing by his door.

If I had not known better, I would have thought Ruby had fallen asleep in the time I was gone. Her eyes were closed, and they remained that way even as I got in the car. I handed her the case file though, she took it, still not opening her eyes. "What you doing Ruby? I know you're very aware of my presence as you took the file when I handed it to you."

A faint smile appeared on Ruby's face, before she opened her eyes to look at me. "Of course I was aware of you. I was letting the body and all the human senses rest. Leaving just the demonic senses which told me when you were coming and I concentrated on you so I knew what you were doing. Also my eyes were not fully closed when you hopped in the car." I shook my head at her, even after this time, she still managed to surprise me by her words. She never hid who she was or what she was capable of from me.

"So what's the verdict then? We got ourselves some demon followers?"

"Hardly, but if you don't leave soon we will get a hunter at least coming out to see us, maybe not following. Of course once he works out who I am, well then he would follow to make sure I don't kill you or something.."

"Okay, I get your point Ruby. Also I trust you not to do that, and I am sure that we would be able to convince Bobby to trust you at least with my life."

After that, the trip was silent. Ruby had been looking at the case, but she was now pretending to sleep again. It had been eight hours since we left Bobby's, so I pulled up outside a cafe. "It's time to stop sleeping Ruby, unless you could go without French Fries for once?" I joked as she rolled her now open eyes at me.

"You know me, not going to pass down an offer like that."

I was not entirely hungry, but I knew that if I did not eat soon, Ruby would start some lecture on how I need to eat to be strong and how I need to be strong if I want to kill Lilith. I also knew she was right, but I still did not want to be here without Dean. It all just felt wrong.

It was wrong of me to be sitting here, sharing a bowl of French Fries with a demon. If it was possible for Dean to ever get out of hell, he would never understand. Just start yelling and throwing punches. I deserved it though; after all I have done since his death. Trusting a demon? What was I thinking? Ruby just had this way of persuading me that everything would turn out okay, and for some reason I believe her every word. There was just something about her which I had to trust. If it was not for her I would not be here still. I would not be alive. She is always there to save me. And I love the knowledge that there is still someone there for me. Like Dean used to be. It was like she was a replacement for Dean, though in all honesty she could never replace him fully. She cares about my wellbeing and safety just as much as Dean did. Then on the other hand, there was still that nagging thought about love. Had I really fallen that far, that I loved a demon now? Could that even be possible?

Ruby kicked me softly to bring me back from my thoughts. "What's up Sam? You know I am here if you need to talk."

I meet her eyes, seeing the slight annoyance in them. "Don't be stupid Ruby. I was just thinking about the case. Let's get going." I stood up and start to leave.

"Just cause of who I am does not mean that I am unable to care Sam. No matter what, if you're hurting, I want to help you." She caught up easily.

"It does not matter Ruby. It was nothing, just thinking about the usual." Ruby let it drop. She knew I never wanted to talk about Dean, though I could feel her watching me as I continued to drive.

"You should pull into the next motel." Ruby broke our hour of silence, finally tearing her eyes away from me to look at the approaching motel. "We have been driving for days it feels like. I know I could use a rest, so I am sure you could." I did not answer her, just continued to drive past the motel. "Sam don't be stupid now. Stop driving before you drive us into a tree."

"Why do you care if we hit a tree? You'll survive." I heard Ruby sigh, and could picture her rolling her eyes at me, though I never looked to check.

"Sam. I'm not the one we need to worry about. Pull into the next motel before I make you stop." I had to smile at her then. Something in me wanted to make her make me stop. I wondered how she would do it. But my mind had more sense as it got me to listen.

"Good boy." She laughed as I reached for a credit card to pay for our room.

Room thirteen was the only room available. It was small, with only one bed. Not that it mattered. It was not like demons actually slept, Ruby was just looking after my welfare. Making me sleep, while she does who knows what.

Before going to bed I went to have a shower. I could hear Ruby in the other room moving things around, flicking though TV channels, and making coffee. I could not help but wonder what it was like for her. What did she do during the hours she made me sleep? Sure some of them she spent with me, but not always. Then there were the times I would wake up to find her no longer with me as she was when I had fallen asleep. Yet I knew I could never ask her and she would never answer. Ruby did not need to sleep, just rest. That was how she explained why she was quite happy to curl up with me some nights, yet I could not help but wonder if there was more. Maybe she felt this weird feeling too. Could she care, maybe even love me? What about me? Was I falling for her? Was I looking too deep into our actions? Maybe I was reading too far into my own thoughts and feelings? Maybe I was looking for an explanation as to why I trusted a demon. I could not love a demon could I? What was happening to me? When had things become so complicated?

Ruby was sitting at the small table reading when I entered the main room again. She paid no attention to me as I climbed into the bed. Even though I closed my eyes I could tell when she turned off the light. I did not mean to disturb her reading, the light had not been bothering me. I was about to voice this when I felt her brush the side of my face.

"That's right, get some rest Sammy. It's been too long a day. You need the sleep." She murmured as I felt the bed move with her slight weight. She was laying down next to me, still running her fingers softly through my hair, but I could not sleep. There were still those nagging thoughts about her running though my mind. I wanted her. I wanted her to want me. I wanted to love her and for her to love me. This whole _there when I need her_ thing really should stop. We had to stop using each other like this. I had to stop using her so much.

I was sure I would regret it, but I moved so I could see her. Looking her in the eyes I smiled softly at her.

"You should really sleep Sam." She was still talking ever so softly, it was almost impossible to hear her. I leaned in towards her instead, kissing her softly. Running my hand through her hair, down her back, until her hand grabbed mine and she pulled away.

"Sam sleeps. Ruby has her fun." She was ordering me around, but there were still those last few words which proved the theory in my mind. She did care. There were feelings. Ignoring her words I continued to kiss her. Or at least try to. First one cheek, then the other as she was moving away. Her hand was still on my arm, but my hand was on her hip. Moving my fingers slightly, I placed them against her skin. Trying to get a reaction from her, I kissed her again. This time she reacted, kissing back. I almost thought she had given in, but then she pulled away, and slipped off the bed.

"Oh how you tease me." I mumbled, grabbing her wrist as she went to leave.

"Sam promises to sleep, then Ruby stays." She repeated, using the same tone she had earlier. It was almost as if she were talking to a small child.

"I will not say no to that offer, as long as you promise to continue where we left off later." Ruby smiled, and sat down next to me, without answering. I fell asleep with her running her fingers through my hair.

** **

I woke alone. The motel room was dark. I could hear the soft pitter-pattering sounds of rain softly falling upon the roof. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I looked around the empty room. My eyes finally coming to rest on a small note left on the table.

_Sam,_

_I have stepped outside for a few hours. If you have woken to find me gone, do not worry. Just go back to sleep and I should be back when you wake again. If I am not back before 6am, call me._

_Ruby_

I could not sleep though. The thought that Ruby may not come back, that she could be out there lying in the rain hurt somewhere had me worried. But then, why was I worried about a demon? She was just a demon, she did not care about me. Yet then why did she leave a note, why even think about the possibility of me waking up to find her gone? Is that a sign of her caring? I was thinking too far into things again.

Lying back down, I tried to sleep, yet my mind continued to run questions through it, over and over.

The sound of the door opening made me sit up. "I am sorry Sam. Did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet." Ruby entered, scrunching up her note, before coming to sit on the bed in front of me.

"Wake me? No I was already awake. I read your note, then for some reason could not go back to sleep like it told me to." I looked down at my hands lying in my lap. I could feel her stroke my hair, the side of my face, before she dropped her hand into mine.

"Well hopefully you can go back to sleep now. Maybe your mind was going crazy thinking that you may have been left alone again."

"Maybe" I mumbled in response, not wishing to go into the real reason I had not been able to sleep. It was not as though I was tired though. Ruby's clothes were wet, just asking me to rip them off her. I could not help myself as I grabbed her, pulling her into a long kiss. My left hand explored her back slowly moving beneath her top. It was not long before I had it off, and that she began to take mine off too. Pushing her backwards, I moved so she was under me.

She laughed, kissing me softly. "Sam I know I promised to continue later, but now is not the time. You should still be sleeping.." My kiss interrupted her. Despite her words, she was not resisting. I took that as a sign that she was truly agreeing, and going to allow me to have my way.

** **

Ruby was moving her hand over my chest, gently stroking. It was all I could think about or notice as I slipped in and out of consciousness. I wanted to sleep. I knew I should. I just could not fall asleep for long. Images kept running through my mind. Images I did not want to see. Dean was dead and haunting me. I would close my eyes and see him being tortured and in pain, screaming for my help. If only there was a way to save him from hell..

"Sam wake up. How about we get to work on that case now? No more fooling around." Ruby brought me back into reality.

Smiling, I just nodded, before getting up to collect our clothes. If only I could tell Ruby the affect she has on me.


End file.
